Wednesday, July 1, 2009

To Obtain The Groove.. You Must Endure Tragedy

Go figure. But Lady's a comic like that. One day you're on top and you're taking jit for granted(when I say you I mean me..), then you fall.. hard and fast and it REALLY sucks.

Then you stumble around blindly for a little while, fall a little further, maybe hit the very bottom and in order to survive(in a loose sense it's still survival of the fittest) you have to stop taking things for granted. Wipe away your poo-colored glasses and look at the things in life worth living for.

Be it the satisfaction in the coercion of genuine laughter in your own spawn, the appreciation of your family over a home cooked meal, watching a DVD that you own and love for the 78th time with the man of your dreams, hearing your favorite song on the radio(this doesn't happen to me often.. I don't have internet and my favorite music is underground, nonetheless..) or dancing half naked and alone on your bed at three in the afternoon when you have time to yourself. Whatever it is, when you clean the poo-colored glasses one day you'll find a new meaning in life and it's truly libertating.

I love my country and the freedom it provides, but being a free-thinking, observant individual, I can't help but look at some of the past and some of the facts and be angry at big brother. This government uses it's scare tactics to terrify us. Keep us weak and afraid.. eat some more food.. smoke some more ciggarettes.. destroy your body and listen to everything we say because sickly, medicated, weak people can not start a revolution. They're too self-absorbed and blind. And even when they're thinking outside the box we're so overwhelmed by events and obstacles that we're convinced that we can't unify and overcome the bulljit we're forced to endure.

Watch SICKO by Micheal Moore. Look at France. Free healthcare, immediate vaction time in the work place, doctors make house calls for free at all hours and when you have a baby, the first three months someone employed by the government will visit you at home, cook meals for you, clean up for you and provide you with tips on caring for your little one. Mr. Moore presents you with the facts and in that documentary he takes people who put their lives on the line to help clean up the aftermath of 9/11(who were abandoned in their own personal aftermath of health complications due to their assistance in the clean up/ search and rescue by our government) to CUBA(who we're taught via propaganda for the war effort are bad, bad, bad!) to cost effectively treat their ailments. It takes less than a week. A WEEK. In cuba.. to do something they'd been waiting years for in The States.

Things like that infuriate me. We can send people to better the lives of other countries(to OUR liking, mind you) but we can't spend some of that money, energy and time to make this country more fair, more trustworthy, more viable for our people?

Sorry about the tangent.. My point is due to the news and such, there are a lot of people depressed and on medication.. seeking their groove.
For me... there were a lot of factors. There was the taxation of pregnancy on my mind and body, some maritual issues(No details yet.. maybe some day), a trip to the psych ward, the fact that I've always been pretty over weight, the many issues built up and locked away from my adolesence and finally the Hubby losing his job.. again.

Finally no one was there to be strong for me. I had to pick myself up and brush myself off and reobtain my Groove. I had to rediscover the strength in me I thought I'd lost forever.

And I did it. Visciously over-wheight, incredibly stressed out and still physically exhausted, I took control of my life again.

I did have some help from herbal supplements.. NOT POT, YOU DIRTY HIPPIES! No, I had to actively go on hiatus from any (potentially)poisonous substances(except nicotine.. it's a terrible habbit but the last one, in fact) & relearn how to take care of myself. I started taking kava kava for anxiety, fish oil for depression, super B complex for energy and green tea for hormonal balancing.. I'm bipolar so I've been taking lamictal via a perscription provided by my cousin. She was on 200mils three times a day and I only take 5o once, so it'll last me at least half a year til I can get my jit straight and start seeing a therapist again.

I work five days a week out of town at that department store I'm still not naming as I've got a little complaining to do.. which means I spend around an hour and a half in the car those days, approximately eight hours on my feet packing bread and pastries in bags and boxes and labling them and at the end of the night scrubbing everything down to perfection for the next morning.. and I HATE IT. I love that it's so physical because I've already lost some weight(even the Hubby notices), clothes fit differently, that sort of thing. I love that I'm making money and ultimately supporting my family. I love that I'm working in general as it's done great things for my self confidence and self esteem... but I work with all women.. and while they make me laugh a lot, THEY'RE ALL TWO FACED B*TCH*S... I guess I shouldn't say "all" as I don't know that for a fact.. but they've all worked together for so long and being there a little less than a month I've seen approximately 4/5 of them talk behind someone else's back. Sometimes even when the person is THERE.

I love women.. I'm acctually pretty gay(I know, I'm married. You can't help who you're attracted to or who you fall in love with.) and so I appreciate them on just about every level- but I can't stand the drama that comes packaged with MOST women.

My Tree is different. Drama follows her but she's excellent at not burdening me with it or bringing it to me.. plus it's not her fault as she's just a good person who attracts needy people. Myself included. I did well academically when she was in my life and as soon as we had our only falling out in 7 years I dropped beauty school. She's inspirational. That's why she's my best friend, I guess. (=

Anyway, I was just hired on for weekends near home at a private residence to assist a male sown syndrome patient. The pay is better also. I couldn't be happier. I'm looking for employment during the week. The Hubby and I are both applying at a local hospital where a friend of ours works as patient care techs. We actually printed out our resumes and he's on his way there now to turn in the applications. I feel really good about it. I hope we both get hired.. but I think we will.

I'm at the local library and I want to do a little more research on nuclear power so I'm going to end this blog, but I'll be posting another today.

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