Sociological Experiment At Home

So, I have noticed a few things about my children, in regards to discipline, over the past year. Here goes:

We're a bit old fashioned and have used corporal punishment in the past. Never with paddles or "weapons" of any kind, just a swat to the behind as a last resort on occasion or a flick to the lip if the mouth gets out of control. In all actuality, I've realized that this tends to be more laziness than a real last resort.

After my brief and limited education in psychology and lots of experience with my children and others' children, I have come to realize that other things are more effective in the long run, they just take more time and patience until they take effect.
The most helpful advice I can offer the parents of a toddler who is less than well-behaved is a stable reward system. A few other things that can help are structure and routine at home, non-negotiable family time on a regular basis, a constant dialogue about the morals and values you want to instill, and regular chances for creative expression.

Stable Reward System:
By this I mean only that you should use rewards regularly to motivate your children to use good manners, practice good hygiene, help out around the house or any other little thing you'd like to get them to do.

My methods:
I use anything my kids like as a reward, television, candy, certain toys that require supervision, even going outside to play. When I was having the toughest of times with them, I dropped $50 at the dollar store and purchased a ton of tiny toys and a bin for rewarding good behavior on a daily and weekly basis. With this, I had a chart with behaviors we were working on and if they did as I required to the best of their ability for the day, they got a sticker on their board- I made the board myself from stuff I purchased from the dollar store, as well.

Another way to use the rewards system is to withhold the reward when behavior is bad, of course. Some lenience should be practiced with this, however, always give your child a chance to earn the reward back.

Also, the best reward you can give to a child is praise and affection. This is not to say that you should be cold and distant when they are having their bad moments, but laying on the love extra thick is a fantastic reward. I use this in addition to other treats, but I am a bit over the top about it when education is involved. I value education and intelligence so I be sure to tell them how great they are while I squeeze them and give them lots of kisses when they answer a question right or when they offer information I had no idea they were privy to.
This is a more proactive and preventative approach to parenting.

Other methods:
As I said, anything the child enjoys can be a reward. No one knows your little one as well as you do. My advice is to pick something you have no doubt about and be creative with how you use it. It is going to take trial and error, don't give up, though. You will find your niche eventually and your family will be a happier, calmer one for your efforts.

Why it works:
Children are people too. We get wrapped up in our little ones, especially when we are struggling with them, and we forget to employ logic. As people, we all want to be rewarded for our efforts and if life is just constant consequence, we tend to be unpleasant. Everyone needs a little motivation once in a while. Children are no different.

A bit about structure:
Children want rules and structure (Berk, 2008). They enjoy stability and predictability. It makes them feel safe and secure in their environment (Berk, 2008). Toddlers are constantly testing their limits to see what they can get away with. In order to show them those limits you have to stick to them, this includes time constraints, budgets, manners, hygiene, etc.

A bit about family time:
Regardless of bad behavior, your little one adores you. In infancy a child attaches to one or a few people, and this is essential in development (Berk, 2008). The lack of such can cause emotional and mental complications throughout his/her life. That bond MUST be nurtured for a happy, healthy adult to develop. The best way to do that is to make time in your busy schedule to show your little one that s/he is a priority. It doesn't matter what you do or for how long, really, as long as your attention is focused on your little one and you're enjoying yourselves.
A bit about dialogue:

Keeping the lines of communication is great for lots of things. First and possibly the most important, it keeps you close. Talking is a powerful tool for bonding. A child who is close to and has a healthy relationship with her parents is less likely to stray from the path to a happy future(Berk, 2008). Secondly, hearing and seeing you speak will aid your child's speech development and seriously improve your chances of healthy speech in the future. Lastly, the more ways you can get your little one's attention the better. Kids are very instinctual and impulsive. Being so young, it is hard for them to control their impulses(Berk, 2008). Half of the time they do things without thinking about it and before they have a chance to realize it we are punishing them. Your open dialogue can help them be more aware of their actions (Berk, 2008).

A bit about creative expression:
Giving your child a means to express his or her self is not only great for his or her confidence but is also great for mental health and dealing with stress. It is a good idea to help your child find hobbies as soon as they are old enough to have them. Having strong interests and talents to nurture can be a means to keep them out of trouble in their teen years (Berk, 2008).

References:

Berk, L. (2008). Infants and children prenatal through middle childhood. Pearson Publishing

So Glad I Could Make It

The past couple of days have been beautiful, despite family drama due to Thanksgiving and much inconsideration between two people.

Chris cooked Thanksgiving dinner in just over 2 hours yesterday. I told him his mom would be proud. It feels good to know there are leftovers in the fridge to feed us for the next few and we spent $51 total on Thanksgiving. We spent it just the four of us in the living room all sitting at the coffee table together. The kids loved it. Especially the pumpkin pie.

Today we watched movies all day while Chris slept, since last night was his Monday. We watched Willow & Labyrinth and Wallace and Gromit in The Curse of the Were-rabbit. We colored pictures and danced. I caught Lylith doing yoga today.

Taven has taken to using his potty over night and hasn't used a diaper in over a week. Lylith is still on the fence about whether or not she wants to use the potty and because we have awful carpet, I am at peace with that until this week when I will be devoting all time during the day to teaching her how to use the potty. I am considering getting her her own potty chair for her room for when she can control her temper.. 'cause otherwise the walls will be painted with poo, she's quite the viper.

Last week I wanted so badly to quit my job, I could hardly stand it. I was convinced I was going to write for one of these websites offering pay to amateurs and live off of that. After a week of thinking it over I am glad I am still here. I am disappointed that it is not as easy as I had anticipated to make money off of such things, but I have a genuine concern for my client.. he has had so much upheaval lately. I would feel awful if I had to contribute to that any more than I already have.

I have had to cancel two appointments in the last few weeks for respite care. Both were nearly an hour's drive and it just isn't worth what my pay has been reduced to- not to take two hours out of my day for driving that I will need for school. I hate it because I am getting work and essentially turning it down but it just isn't fitting in where I need it to.

This week I am not so pessimistic. This week I have a new perspective.


Happy Thanksgiving Everyone. (=

Redefining Me

A short while ago I realized that my personality needed a makeover.

I took some time to remember who I am and what I love. I sleep a little better. I smile all the time. I laugh many times a day and I sing constantly. I dance almost every day and I'm not really trying to do anything but be healthy but I keep losing weight. Or, as I say "I'm melting!"

I'm just a happier person.

I let shit go. That was probably my biggest challenge.

Things continue to get better for me every day.

I've registered for 3 semesters @ APUS which puts me at done with my general education courses in less than a year.

I'm currently debating on whether to take psychology or biology and astronomy.

I'm still working for the same fella and Chris starts his job today. The kids are happy and healthy and beautiful and smart.

Taven speaks in complete sentences and Lylie talks just as much. They look like twins. Taven is more coherent every day. Lylie is such a sweetheart! She carries dollies around and shows them how to do things. We want to get her one that wets because Taven has gotten the potty training down but she's still struggling, though she's clearly interested. I'm sure, as I watch her change her own diaper a few times a day. Sometimes she sits on Taven's training potty and stares at me intently as though waiting for direction. I tell her to "go pee and poo in the potty" but eventually she just giggles at me and gets off the potty to commence streaking. They've both become very compassionate and understanding for such little things. Though, the age demands an establishment of independence and so there's a lot of "NO!" and temper tantrums going on every day.

I get to see or talk to a lot of my favorite people with consistency. When I believed I was alone, I was. (= But I now know the collection of awesome people I have and I bug them often.

I will have a car at the beginning of next month and we're planning to start up the apparel business after we pay off our debts. Then, we fly the trailer park. We want to stay in WV, but we'll probably seek out homes and apartments closer to MD.

The future is bright and I am ready!

Education,Children And Long Lost Friends

I've been taking my sweet-ass time doing it but I'm filling out FAFSA forms with my taxes to go back to school @ Shepherd this year.
I'd like to get a doctorate in Psychology. I can earn my master's at Shepherd, but that gives me 8 years to decide where I'll take my final four years and save.
I've told everyone now, I think. Which sucks, because if I'm unable to start just yet due to student loans w/ Sallie Mae, I get to look like an even bigger ass. YAY!

The children are fantastic. As is Christopher.
Taven is speaking in complete sentances "But why, ma?,""No, that's bad!," "Yes, I want some.," etc. AND he's in the process of potty training. He's so big.
Lylie is cutting her 6th tooth and is walking and talking nearly as much a Taven.

They get each other and are good friends with lots of inside jokes that no one else gets. Lylie is super snuggly and lovable and LOVES to dance and Taven like to wrestle, play zombie/cannibal baby and watch nickelodeon/ movies. They both love books, though Taven would perfer to tear one up, while Lylie enjoys both chewing on them and reading them as well.

Jen, the neighbor, and I SWORE that night before last she was saying, "Yeah, that's sexy!" and about five or six times in a row.

I hang out with West Virginians, now. There are two Jennifers, one I work with, one lives next door. Chris and I hang out with the neighbors and thier children quite often. We used to hang out w/ the neighbors behind us, too, but I uess we've all just been busy...

Except Chris...

I still see my Tree and I FOUND JAMES! He's an ex who has also always been a great friend. I miss him dearly. We ran into each other totally by chance while I was getting money out for beer and he was going w/ a friend to blow money at the slots. He ended up bringing his friend to our Beer Pong tournamet, where Tree showed up & man, it was just like being in high school again.

And then, via facebook, I've gotten into contact with Matt from Frederick and Jay from Allentown. I also spoke to Amie, someone else who knows and has dated James, lol, though we met through Daniel.

Chris starts training for Captial Meats this week. And is actually going this time(hasn't worked out for the past month due to lots of unforseen circumstances).

Life is looking up, it's nice, for a change.