Hail Juno

My maker, my mother, a name, a word... inspiration.

There are people in the world that need solid, undeniable fact in order to accept a concept and I commend that. Credibility makes things easier, faster, smarter. But what about better?

The symbolism involved in ritual and exploration can open your world up in so many ways. Enjoying music that enhances an experience in a positive fashion, Connecting to a piece of physical art, or Losing yourself in an inspirational story, all put a smile on your face and make your day a little easier.

Why do some people seem to be so afraid of what COULD happen instead of embracing what good remains a part of what they seem bent on making an awful existence? Why was I like this?

I enjoy media that is dark and macabre, still. Horror movies don't just provide gruesome entertainment they also activate that critical thinking so essential in learning. Angry or expressive music that is in any way negative or emotional is good for enhancing your ability to understand the way someone feels and why. Creepy physical, web and multi-media art are inspirational in their own way. These things are fun and interesting but enjoying the beauty in what is right about the world through alternative sources should be more encouraged to my generation.

I think maybe people get carried away and put their brains on automatic "fuck that" when they're so used to taking everything to a negative place. Everyone has one of those things. It is important not to let it impose on your motivations or anyone else's.

Worrying and obsessing does nothing but consume you.

My argument against being a pessimistic hate-spewer is the same I use in regards to religion: Live and let live, for laymans.


Just a word to those of you who think your purpose in life is to put someone in their place or show your dominance rather than nurture yourself and others; Each person you seek to deter has aspirations you're helping to murder. No one is going to agree with everything that you say and vice versa. Don't you have something better to do?

On A Whim...

Fly off the handle.. fly by the seat of your pants.. IMPULSIVE. That's me.
I've always been so in the moment.. guess that's why I was a little slutty when I was on the market. And now... I guess that's why Chris and I fight like we do. I know that's why I've got the debt I've accrued, especially because my hubby is the same way.

Why can't people like us come with a warning or a manual. We're not bad people. We're not even stupid, we're just hard to show the big picture to. I wish I'd seen that sooner.

Ew, under all the revisions and self-molding I am so bitter and angry about what's gone wrong that it's hard to focus on what's right and maintain composure when all I want to do is scream at someone and throw punches. I am compelled to be violent and loud and angry and obtrusive... and inappropriate.

This is something I have to fight all the time. In public I feel like a freak-show because I'm full-figured and I have a particular style I refuse to deviate from, but I want people to look sometimes. I seek admiration- I seek... that look.

You know that look! The one that says; "Hey, come behind this wall with me and let me do things to you." And even though I never would it's SO hot it solidifies my prowess all day.

In person sometimes I'm a comedian.. I watch a lot of movies and some tv, even, these days(I used to despise television) and I quote a lot. I'm also somewhat of a complainer/soap-box dweller which can be fun but I think some people really don't like what I have to say even though it's educated and I take all belligerent tones out if I sense the necessity.

Before the amino acid treatment(L. Theanine) and still, sometimes, I'm kind of awkward. My drive to to be outrageous and grab your attention and make you adore me makes the part of me that doesn't want to disrespect or have others feel that I disrespect my hubby VERY uncomfortable.

I can be flat-out lewd. Once, recently, I described the proper way to enter a woman's anus with a penis to my husband's friend's new boyfriend... afterward, I felt like I had farted when the preacher paused in church. Aimee(the friend) smiled and laughed nervously and her boyfriend got all excited and told her "see, it doesn't have to hurt!" HA! My hubby thinks my lewdness is funny, but I try to always consider feelings. Love makes you think/do/feel crazy things.

We're no stranger to that.

Anyway, my reign of terror at the sister-in-law's ends this weekend. YAY! And tomorrow is my free day away from the children. What will I do?.... No idea, but I bet it ends with cleaning the shit out of my house.

Have a Happy New Year, All!!