Friday, September 11, 2009

August To September

It's unfortunate, as I was rather committed to religiously making posts here, that I've let it fall by the wayside.. The best part about my myspace blog, I think, is how personal and eclectic it was.

When you first begin to treat a chemical imbalance(even if it is AGAIN, meaning, of course, there's a lapse) there's a good amount of time that is partially, in my opinion, psychosomatic.
Life is good. You've discovered some amazing panacea that will make you the most perfect, complete you there is.
Then you hit several plateaus until you're properly medicated.

I didn't think herbs would be the same way, but they are.

I started working again and have to be outside my comfort zone for ten hours at a time and sometimes more and my anxiety spiked.

I'm not seeing my children all day every day, which is bitter-sweet as I can finally appreciate them, but I miss them TERRIBLY.

The hubby and I have started our own relationship therapy which involves our own set of house rules posted for reference in our home and lots of writing and talking.

Things have improved and we've given the babies a bit more structure, Taven's behavior is much better, less hitting, more loving..

The kavakava, though, is making me extremely tired and when I'm home in my dessert-in-a-box, which you'd never know has two AC units and three fans, upon waking I'm still exhausted and after taking meds and playing with/entertaining/cleaning up after two munchkins and keeping up with other chores, I don't feel like doing much.

But I've been trying.

It would have been easier if I'd have had both natural and no surgical recovery.
It would have been easier if I'd have gotten a little further with getting in shape before I got pregnant both times.
It would have been easier if I'd have been in shape in the first place.
It would have been easier if I'd have had more help.

But none of those things were a reality, and this is the life I've chose.
So I've been spending all of my time trying to improve.

So I'll try to post more, I really will, to the two people who actually read,

but until I get internet and don't have to expose myself to staring, rude, idiots to achieve such a thing, it's going to be difficult.

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