On A Whim...

Fly off the handle.. fly by the seat of your pants.. IMPULSIVE. That's me.
I've always been so in the moment.. guess that's why I was a little slutty when I was on the market. And now... I guess that's why Chris and I fight like we do. I know that's why I've got the debt I've accrued, especially because my hubby is the same way.

Why can't people like us come with a warning or a manual. We're not bad people. We're not even stupid, we're just hard to show the big picture to. I wish I'd seen that sooner.

Ew, under all the revisions and self-molding I am so bitter and angry about what's gone wrong that it's hard to focus on what's right and maintain composure when all I want to do is scream at someone and throw punches. I am compelled to be violent and loud and angry and obtrusive... and inappropriate.

This is something I have to fight all the time. In public I feel like a freak-show because I'm full-figured and I have a particular style I refuse to deviate from, but I want people to look sometimes. I seek admiration- I seek... that look.

You know that look! The one that says; "Hey, come behind this wall with me and let me do things to you." And even though I never would it's SO hot it solidifies my prowess all day.

In person sometimes I'm a comedian.. I watch a lot of movies and some tv, even, these days(I used to despise television) and I quote a lot. I'm also somewhat of a complainer/soap-box dweller which can be fun but I think some people really don't like what I have to say even though it's educated and I take all belligerent tones out if I sense the necessity.

Before the amino acid treatment(L. Theanine) and still, sometimes, I'm kind of awkward. My drive to to be outrageous and grab your attention and make you adore me makes the part of me that doesn't want to disrespect or have others feel that I disrespect my hubby VERY uncomfortable.

I can be flat-out lewd. Once, recently, I described the proper way to enter a woman's anus with a penis to my husband's friend's new boyfriend... afterward, I felt like I had farted when the preacher paused in church. Aimee(the friend) smiled and laughed nervously and her boyfriend got all excited and told her "see, it doesn't have to hurt!" HA! My hubby thinks my lewdness is funny, but I try to always consider feelings. Love makes you think/do/feel crazy things.

We're no stranger to that.

Anyway, my reign of terror at the sister-in-law's ends this weekend. YAY! And tomorrow is my free day away from the children. What will I do?.... No idea, but I bet it ends with cleaning the shit out of my house.

Have a Happy New Year, All!!

Education,Children And Long Lost Friends

I've been taking my sweet-ass time doing it but I'm filling out FAFSA forms with my taxes to go back to school @ Shepherd this year.
I'd like to get a doctorate in Psychology. I can earn my master's at Shepherd, but that gives me 8 years to decide where I'll take my final four years and save.
I've told everyone now, I think. Which sucks, because if I'm unable to start just yet due to student loans w/ Sallie Mae, I get to look like an even bigger ass. YAY!

The children are fantastic. As is Christopher.
Taven is speaking in complete sentances "But why, ma?,""No, that's bad!," "Yes, I want some.," etc. AND he's in the process of potty training. He's so big.
Lylie is cutting her 6th tooth and is walking and talking nearly as much a Taven.

They get each other and are good friends with lots of inside jokes that no one else gets. Lylie is super snuggly and lovable and LOVES to dance and Taven like to wrestle, play zombie/cannibal baby and watch nickelodeon/ movies. They both love books, though Taven would perfer to tear one up, while Lylie enjoys both chewing on them and reading them as well.

Jen, the neighbor, and I SWORE that night before last she was saying, "Yeah, that's sexy!" and about five or six times in a row.

I hang out with West Virginians, now. There are two Jennifers, one I work with, one lives next door. Chris and I hang out with the neighbors and thier children quite often. We used to hang out w/ the neighbors behind us, too, but I uess we've all just been busy...

Except Chris...

I still see my Tree and I FOUND JAMES! He's an ex who has also always been a great friend. I miss him dearly. We ran into each other totally by chance while I was getting money out for beer and he was going w/ a friend to blow money at the slots. He ended up bringing his friend to our Beer Pong tournamet, where Tree showed up & man, it was just like being in high school again.

And then, via facebook, I've gotten into contact with Matt from Frederick and Jay from Allentown. I also spoke to Amie, someone else who knows and has dated James, lol, though we met through Daniel.

Chris starts training for Captial Meats this week. And is actually going this time(hasn't worked out for the past month due to lots of unforseen circumstances).

Life is looking up, it's nice, for a change.